I received a phone call this morning. One that left me speechless whilst at work and made me shake!!
Our egg donation co ordinator at our IVF clinic has found a donor match. an. actual. match. She’s my height, has my colour eyes, my complexion. The only ‘worry’ I have (and I call this worry because I know it isn’t a big issue at all) is that she has blonde hair & I have brown. I have never come across a woman with blonde hair and brown eyes!? But i’m not arguing. She also has a positive blood type while i’m O Neg.
I’m going to sound REALLY selfish here. And I never thought i’d have these thoughts going through my head, I thoguht as soon as a ptential match came through we’d be like YES, LETS GO. NOW. But, I’m actually worried about her hair colour. Both myself and OH have dark brown hair and if she has blonde…. ok it’s silly. She’s also very tiny, like BMI 18.8 or something tiny. I’m actually overweight at 12stone. I don’t look it, but i’m kind of secretly (or not so secretly now!) glad she’s smaller than me. I don’t know why, I just am.
All these ‘what ifs’ are racing round my head. ‘what if we waited and a perfect match comes along?’ ‘what if we neclined and we find a good match but we aren’t the 1st recipient couple?’ ‘what if baby really does have blonde hair…..that’d be pretty rare if we conceived normally’ ‘what if we necline and don’t get another potential match for a year’ or even ‘what if the donor is really goofy and looks horrendous and our baby picks up none of OHs looks’ IM DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY. I feel so selfish, and I really am not. I have never had these thoughts before and always thought that as soon as a match comes along that i’d be happy no matter what, to just feel the love of a child would make me happy. The more I think the more my heart & brain say to go for it, but those what if’s are always at the back of my mind.
I think it’s a yes to go ahead. We have the weekend to think it over. My mum’s said go for it, my OH is keen to go ahead. I just can’t get passed my silly ‘what ifs’!!!!
I know I am extremely lucky for this to come so soon. We saw our consultant Nov/Dec and 3/4 months waiting and our first match has been selected. Some couple wait so so much longer than us. I’m off to play Theme Hospital and think! 🙂 xx