Wait one minute…. 6 MONTHS? Really? Like, half a year 6 months? I’m almost certain that time has fast forward like back to the future. I’m not sure i’m ready to commit to saying that my little girl is growing up to be a big girl and that she’ll be crawling, walking, talking, arguing back and all sorts within what will feel like days.
I originally made a draft blog post, decided not to post it, then posted it to my personal facebook instead. I’m not sure why on earth I didn’t write it here in the end, but I should have!
So here it is, a little look back at our journey so far. Go grab yourself a cuppa, maybe some tissues, a nice comfy blanket too. You’ll thank me after!
2 years ago today we were told that if me and Jon wanted a child we would have to have donor egg IVF treatment. What’s more, we would only have one chance one the NHS. If our one cycle failed we would have to pay upwards of £9,000 to have another go. We knew beforehand that we would need IVF, but had no idea that a donor would be needed.
On that day for the first time I hated my cancer journey. I hated what it had done to my body and that I was still seeing the aftermath of it 7 years later.
EXACTLY 2 years to the day, our beautiful little girl is 6 months old. 6 months today! Throughout my pregnancy I worried about bonding. What if I couldn’t bond because she wasn’t considered genetically mine?
Well today I am sat with my partner in crime, albeit she is grumpy with a cold and teething but she’s here, she’s safe, and she is just perfect.
I started my business recently because realistically, we won’t have enough money to afford IVF to give Evie a sibling if I stay in a 40 hour job going nowhere fast. If that is the case, I want to be able to work from home and spend as much time as I can with our only child. I don’t want to work 9-5, come home tired and exhausted and have the ‘can’t wait until bedtime’ attitude. I want to earn money for IVF, I want to stay home with our child and I want to donate money to various charities that have helped me throughout the years. I want to LIVE life.
I am so so proud and thankful of Jon for standing by me through the breakdowns from family/friends pregnancy announcements, hospital visits, monthly negative tests and more importantly for being the most amazing father who Evie will grow up admiring. He is more of a man than most men dream to be.
And thank you to my mum for always supporting me through everything even when you don’t understand something, and for taking me to our most important consultations too. If I am just half the mother to Evie that you are to me I will be ecstatic.
I can’t thank Nurture Fertility (and James Hopkisson, he’s still helping me at hospital to this day!) for giving us hope. For explaining everything in the fog of infertility, for the laughter, the cries and the sheer support they gave us all the way. I will always remember they day our little Evie embryo was transferred to me. We saw this tiny spec of cells on one screen and had an ultrasound of my womb on another and even with my legs in the air strapped into stirrups, all whilst in front of a man who had a big tube and all sorts of equipment lined up 🙈, we giggled, wowed, and almost cried! The amount of support is unbelievable, even as an NHS customer.
To anybody who sees this and is struggling like we did for so many years, remember that it is completely normal to feel disheartened with pregnancy announcements & it is normal for jealousy to feel overwhelming. It is normal to want to hide away and even to decline baby shower invites or meeting friends with children because it mentally hurts. Nothing anyone says or does will make you feel better, but NEVER give up hope. I really believe that my positivity played a massive part in our successful IVF.
Dreams CAN come true, no matter how far away they seem.
This is my dream come true. I feel like I am complete again. I feel like I am able to fully enjoy my life (although i’m also yearning for a sibling for Evie!). She is my dream come true, and I make it my sole mission to give her the best in life, to enable her to see the good in this world, and to make her realise just how special she is every day of her life.
I love you so much my little munchkin xx