I have just been looking back on scan videos & photos & after the first one I burst out crying! I’ve had a very tearful day. I think now I’m home the baby blues have hit again! No idea why I’m tearful at everything *cringe*
I can’t believe this is real. We managed to grow a little baby for 9 months. We managed to keep her safe from the outside world and most importantly, we have managed to provide for her since the day she was born! It seems so long ago that I had my bump, I have forgotten what it feels like to have her wriggling about in there causing havoc. The love I have for this little human being is unbelievable. I named my blog ababyoneday because I genuinely thought it would never happen. I didn’t think we could be lucky enough to be given this opportunity. I’m so so grateful for the work our fertility clinic do.
These past 2 weeks have been surreal. I know I briefly touched on what’s happened in my last post. We came out of hospital, we had a breakdown in the middle of the night (all 3 of us!) as Evie was just too poorly to eat. We then got fobbed off by a midwife when I said how worried I was about her, telling me it’s normal. We went for our 5 day check up and Evie had lost 15% of her body weight. We were just told to make sure we feed every 3 hours. That night I phoned for advice and wethen spent more time in hospital and made a big scene in A&E as they left us until last to be seen with a 5 day old baby who wasn’t eating, pooing, was sleeping 24/7 and was really yellow. Then came the phototherapy which killed me when I had to strip her and put her inside the incubator 😥 she was so tiny and I felt like it was all my fault she had become so poorly. I felt so helpless just watching her in there and not being able to cuddle her like I had been doing. I didn’t sleep for 3 days as I had to take her out every 3 hours to feed. It took me an hour to wake her up as she got so hot in there, then it took even longer to get her to breastfeed. Then I was told I had to express my milk after each feed to use as a top up for the next feed, to make sure she was getting enough. By the time that had all been done, the nurse would be in to take obs, then shortly after that the dr would come in to take her bloods. Really there was just no time for sleep. I tried not to let Jon or my mum know how much it was killing me being in there with my baby along with the baby blues plus the guilt of her being poorly, but I did break down a good few times! I really praise any parent whose child has been/ is in hospital and hooked up to drips or in an incubator etc. I think it was truly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face.
I just can’t believe we’ve got to this point. I’m sat looking at Evie in her Moses basket and thinking about how a year ago we were waiting for our cycle to start, not really believing that the first cycle would be successful. The sad tears I had last week have turned into happy tears! She’s such a long awaited and loved little girl.