15 weeks pregnant. I’m currently 15+3. I still cannot believe that just over a year ago we were told that the only way to carry a child myself would be to have donor egg IVF/ICSI. A year ago we took the decision to do whatever we needed to try to have a baby ourselves. In March we got a call to say there was a loose donor match (very loose.. she ha sblonde hair and is very skinny…totally not me!) and then in July things went ahead.
I’m sat here now, bloated, double chin, absolutely exhausted and think…. a year ago, no, even 5 or 6 months ago I was still coming to terms with having to use another woman’s eggs to have a child with Jon. I’ll admit, I still think about it sometimes and worry about how baby will look, act, when people naturally say “ohhh he/she looks just like you!” and i’ll have to hold back from explaining myself. I’ve had nightmares in recent weeks about it all. But you know what, this will be our baby, i’m nurturing it inside me, Jon’s played his part, continues to do so and will for the rest of his life. We’ll love our baby unconditionally and we never ever thought we would be in this position. There is light at the end of the dark, lonely, scary infertility tunnel. Whether it be a baby you have carried yourself, a baby another woman has carried for you, an adopted child or a fostered child. We were completely willing to do any of these to raise a child of our own, obviously trying the most personal to us first. I applaud and respect any woman, any man still struggling because I know just how frustrating and upsetting the road can be. But never let the journey put a dampener on your faith in yourself, because you are much much stronger than you think.
Jon lost his job this week. His employer are a local dress selling company (selling at much much more cost than buying direct from the manufacturer!) who have no idea how to run a company and either lose staff or get rid of staff before their probation period ends. They are complete cowards.
At first I thought this meant we only have money for bills (no food, no toiletries etc) but as it turns out, we have literally just enough for us to afford food if we buy tins & frozen food items. We have actually had to cancel Christmas! Our family won’t be getting Christmas presents, he’s wondering if he can afford to go down to his family this year. I’m trying not to stress as much as I was earlier this week, but I’m definitely stressing about how on earth we will be able to afford baby items. We have nothing right now bar a small pack of nappies and various freebies from baby clubs. I can’t claim working tax credits as I’m not 25 yet (as I understand it) and because we have no children we can’t claim anything else. Hopefully he’ll get a little bit of JSA but I guess only time will tell if he does. It WILL work out, it has to. But I am beyond anxious about birthdays (we have 7 between Dec 5th & Jan 7th!) and also Christmas as well as buying the pram, cot, clothes storage etc. We were planning on buying most of our stuff in the black Friday or boxing day sales but this doesn’t look likely.
This week has been pretty rubbish life wise! But baba is doing absolutely fine 🙂 I can’t feel him/her moving just yet and won’t due to the position of the placenta, but I can her them wriggling around when we use our doppler which is so nice.
Hoping for a better and more positive week next week- we could really do with some money coming in…. the mortgage won’t pay itself and all that!!