Is it okay to rant?

This isn’t strictly IVF/Fertility related, but I just hope i’m not the only one in a similar situation. I’ve ummed and arrred over it for a while now, and I just don’t like my job! It’s not ‘my job’ it’s the whole ‘atmosphere’ and people (or lack of people….i’m the only women in an office of 4 maybe 5 people at times). I work in admin. I don’t mind admin, but I do wish that I had chosen a different path. I do the despatching, sales order processing, build requesting, invoicing/ payment chasing, purchasing & make sure our accounts lady pays the right people each week. I also do the reception & answer incoming phone calls. I’ve done admin since I left college, I went straight into an apprenticeship and went on from there. I want to find somewhere else, but at the same time don’t think i’ll be ready to work elsewhere until I’ve finally fulfilled my wish for a baby. I’m not one to moan about my job. A job is a job and I’ll do whatever I need to do get by and live a good life. But I’m not enjoying my role no matter how you pretty it up. I just feel like it’s a silly time to look for another role as with any luck (and all the hoping & praying in the world) I will be going onto maternity leave in the nearer future. I haven’t looked into the benefits etc, but something tells me I’m better off pay wise if I’ve been with the company longer? Maybe not, but still, I just feel it a silly thing to do. Is it silly to be looking for a new role just before possible IVF starts? I was hoping to, if all goes well with IVF, start doing more of my cakes & maybe get into some more crafty things during my maternity and beyond, so maybe in my mind that’s the thing that’s holding me back from finding something else because it’s such a different job to what I’m doing now. I’m not sure if I want to do ‘admin’ anymore, but I don’t want to do any sales type/customer based things either. Is everyone like this, unsure of what they want to do? I guess all I want is to have a baby right now. I’m at that point where nothing else seems to matter, and it SHOULD I know it should. I should want to work. I do want to work, I’ve always been work minded and have always liked earning my money, but all I want to do is be on maternity and enjoying setting up the nursery and buying bits and pieces. Is this silly? I guess it’s just because everything is happening now and we’re just waiting. Bottom line is I just don’t enjoy my workplace & I don’t like getting up every morning knowing 1) I’m not waking up to our little baby’s laugh or cry and 2) I’m having to get up and go there to sit there for 9 hours. Should I wait until we know what is happening, whether IVF works etc, or should I just be looking for another role no matter what? I just think it’d seem really cheeky if I by some miracle find another job I adore, then 2 months down the line say “I’m pregnant”. It would feel awkward my side and I can’t imagine how it’d look on the employer side. I don’t know, maybe I’m having a quarter life crisis?! Haha

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