So I’m having one of those Fridays where, you’re at work, no ones around, you’re bored, lonely, hormonal and don’t wish to speak to everyone,.
You want to literally slob out all weekend, eat chocolate (because mother nature has graced me once again to let me know that I’m still not pregnant) and cuddle watching rubbish movies. I go home on a Friday with those intentions and they never happen! But I’m determined this weekend. Determined to completely slob 😉
In our 8 years together, I have sent Jon (my other half for anyone wondering!) many messages filled with lovely things, but never really one that talks about our infertility. Why? Well I don’t know.
You have been there for me when I’ve cried each month knowing I’m still not pregnant, you’ve cried with me, you’ve been to every appointment and have supported me throughout everything. I’ve been ratty, hormonal, annoying and downright naggy, but not once have you moaned about it….well err not to my face! I can tell you literally anything, no matter how graphic, you’ve moved away from family to settle down with me & you love me no matter how rough I look or ill I am. From the moment we knew we were struggling to conceive, we had a feeling it was an issue with you from the previous tests, but when the tests last year showed it was more so me, and we were told that we’d need to have donor egg IVF, you saw how much I broke. You’ve been there for me all those nights where I’ve just cried and cried thinking I’m never going to carry my own child. You’ve been there when I’ve had a happy face on, congratulating family and friends on pregnancy or the arrival of their child, and then been with me the second we’ve got home and I’ve been emotionally exhausted. People who haven’t been through this don’t know how much heartbreak it is, how much of a battle getting up every day with that constant knowing that it isn’t ‘just going to happen when you least expect it & if you relax’ like everyone insists it will. But with you, I can come home knowing that we’re going through this together. I can’t think of a more amazing man to parent a child with. You will be the most amazing father our child (or children…. you never know!) could ever need. We haven’t even started our donor egg cycle yet, or even been matched, but we have been through so so much in such a short space of time. People on the outside don’t realise just how much of a struggle this is, or how mentally exhausting it can be, but any one who has been through as much as us and are still together, loving each other and fighting for their dream as hard as they can…..well that’s a love story that will last a lifetime. WE want our child more than anyone in the world and no matter how bad a day I have had, no matter what someone has said that’s upset me, I know I will ALWAYS have you. My rock. I love you!